Saturday, January 23, 2010

My Dilemma of Being Distressed and Despondent Or.......???????

 Life Sucks man.........I dont Know Y sometimes you  feel so lonely,so cheated, and moreover defeated and not from the people around you but from yoursrlf . Sometimes you just want to sit in a dark room with no one nearby and you just want to be alone to regret for what all u hav done wrong with others and more importantly with urself.
                Actually my problem is that,I make promises to my self for very silly things and somtimes for the things which really matters.I tend to feel ki I m deceveing my self, I sense a feeling of perjurity. This word may seem like a hypocritic philosohpy but if  I assess my self or if some 3rd person will analyse this thing he will find this word just an Euphimism,as I feel it.. I pretend to be happy in the front of the world but actually now-a-days i m in a quite adversity. I m not in pecuniary difficulties but i m in misfortune of my, my mental status . No body feels nor any body can feel what really the problem i m facing coz as i say i m a open book to be read and interpreted easily but now I feel ki i hav lot of things going  inside my mind and to that,i m,also, hiding a lot of things from even my best friends,and,moreover when I tell them about myself,about my problems they sometimes don't take me seriously and reason being ki  I my self have made such reflection in the front of them ki - dont ever take me seriously coz i m not serious any time.
                 My this attitude is making my personality very unclear and ambiguous to ME(not to my friends or persons who know me coz they feel ki i m what i show,but that is actually not ME.).Actually this whole situation is like (saying in my words) I am not what I am BUT I am what I am not.(Sauravology)
               From today I m making a promise to my self(see,1ce again i m making promises,which actually is the root cause of my problems) ki I will try to change my self,actually i will not just try, i will, actualy,WILL........................